I am secretly a robot
Or at least sometimes it feels that way. I don't find interacting with other human beings to be natural or instinctive, especially not with strangers. I cope through a painstakingly collected menu of socially appropriate actions and responses.

For example, while out for a walk today, I saw somebody approaching from the opposite direction, and what went through my brain honestly felt a bit like this:

Attention! Approaching stranger! Expected social interaction from menu: Eye contact, nod, and smile.

Distance: too far to be optimal, current distance will result in creepily-long eye contact or in awkward need to pretend to be interested in something else.



Almost close enough.

There. Action engaged: *eye contact, smile, nod* Success!

"How are you doing?"

Attention! New input! Find conversational sub-routines, quickly! From menu: "Fine, thanks." *smile, nod again*

Wait. Error! Error! Did not read second portion of menu. Additional response expected: "And you?" Target is level with you, will be past immediately. Query: acceptable to turn to address target and give missing second portion? Y/N?

N. Turning is less socially acceptable than missing second portion. Continue without further action. You have failed to implement ideal social interaction. *BZZZT!*

Searching for further targets: None found. Social interaction is over.

Whew. Thank goodness.

Social interaction result: Acceptable, at least you weren't creepy. Still not ideal.

That is the best description I can give of what EVERY single in-person social interaction is like for me, save for those with people I know well and in situations I'm extra comfortable with.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1478125.html.

Universe has gone back to hating me today.

Also I am taking Cheezburger off my daily read-for-relaxation list. This is the THIRD time now I've seen a "Lol! RL Orouboros!" post that was basically a snuff film for a poor snake. :( Even if it only happens once a year, just once ever is too much. I should have stopped using the site the first time. It is NOT great when you go on for fluffy kittens and instead see some poor creature dying slowly and horribly.

So yeah. My day has sucked.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1477486.html.

Holy crap
I think the universe is trying to see if it can make me keel over from squee.

My latest MLP fanfic made the feature box on FimFiction. This has been a goal for me since I joined the site, but one I never really thought I'd actually make. And then, while the comments and favs are still pouring in, another of my stories, one that I feel is hugely unappreciated, got accepted into Twilight's Library, and not just accepted, but put in the "recommended" folder. :D

I am having the BEST day!

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1477317.html.

The ones that write themselves
Most of my stories I plan out. I think about them. I discuss the plot endlessly with JJ. I work on them across days, weeks, months, even years. I write a paragraph here and a page there. I shape them. They do sometimes sprout up bits I didn't intend, but *I* write them, they are what I make of them, and they require a great deal of work to make happen.

Every now and then, though, a story writes itself. Blood Choice wrote itself in a storm of literary obsession over the course of barely a week. (It's a novella, at about 80k words. Eat, that NaNoWriMo.)

I haven't had that happen in a while, but last night in a fit of emotional turmoil that frankly bordered on insanity I sat down at about 3am and started writing. At about 6am there were 4500 words. I picked it up again when I got up around noon and wrote for another several hours, and ended it at about 7k words.

I'm really not sure what to make of it. It's no doubt a mess of stuff from my own subconscious. I thought of what to write barely in advance of actually writing it. Yet it seems to be a pretty good, coherent story. Blood Choice is too. (I frankly think it's one of my best things, actually, but nobody else much seems to like it.)

Anyway, I'm going to let it sit for a week or two, then give it an editing pass, and then post it. It's ponyfic, about Pinkie Pie and a changeling. It's got feels. It's pretty sad and raw at times, but it doesn't end sadly or anything. (If anybody wants to pre-read for me, I'd be happy to pass along a copy.)

I still wish I knew exactly why some of them write themselves, and some don't. If I could turn on that kind of writing at will, it would be awesome. But alas it only happens on very rare occasion.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1476448.html.


This is an oil painting of Prince Solaris and Prince Artemis of Equestria. (The gender-flipped versions of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.)

It's also the cover art of my new pony story, Brotherhood which you can read by clicking that little link.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1475351.html.

Flutterbat prototype

Signs that you were probably meant to be a plush maker: when you willingly spend your day off sewing a plush prototype, because you’re so excited about it that you don’t want to wait until you’ve caught up enough on commissions to take the time during the work week. :D

Anyhow, I just HAD to jump on the Flutterbat bandwagon, but I think mine is slightly unique, given I haven’t seen any other hanging Flutterbats yet.

This is very much a prototype, I’ve already sketched out an updated pattern that fixes a few issues here, and the ones I make for Everfree will have less visible snaps, but this one still came out pretty darn cute, I think!

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1474053.html.

Random thought
If they made a movie of The Princess Bride today, it would suck. Because it would be a three-hour attempt to put every single line and joke and bit of action in the book into the film. It would probably go over budget trying to make the most action-packed, special-effects heavy epic out of the dungeon descent that isn't in the version of the movie we have at all, for example, and it would be so exciting that it would suck all the impact out of the less wild and crazy action in the castle at the end. Editing, knowing what to cut and what to keep in, is the reason why that movie is a classic and most people don't even *know* that there was a book first. It also appears to be something of a lost art these days.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1473997.html.

I am so fricking depressed. And so stressed. Argh. Too much to do, not enough time to do it in. Always, always, always.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1473348.html.

Welcome to my solstice celebration.
Why do I celebrate the solstice?
Well it's not out of some neo-pagan desire to get away from Christmas. I am Christian and I celebrate Christmas too. But I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, so for me the waxing and waning on the light is of particular personal importance. Tonight is the longest, darkest night (at least symbolically, the longest night actually varies depending on where you are, but the solstice comes close enough.) But with the dawn comes the hope of better, brighter days. So I will keep vigil all night tonight in symbolic affirmation that the darkest times can be endured and that, as the psalmist said, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

How do I celebrate the solstice?
The biggest part is the candle. I buy a pillar candle long enough to burn through the night, from sunset to sunrise, every year during the summer. Theoretically on the summer solstice, to "store" the summer light for winter, but this year I kind of forgot. It worked out though because in August I ended up spending a day next to a bee keeper at the Saturday Market, and after talking to her about her wax and her bees, her struggles with colony collapse disorder, and her work making and selling candles, I felt like I knew the bees who'd made the wax and the person who'd made the candle a bit, which is good.

This is a time of personal renewal for me, so it's also all about what I like, what makes me happy, and what *doesn't* add to the holiday stresses. :) So I buy good food, and feast and sing my way through the night. And I do it without inviting company over because having company over is draining, not restoring. But feeling alone is also draining, so I encourage my friends to attend virtually, where we can talk and share and support each other through the night.

If you want to attend you don't have to stay the whole vigil through, you can come when you like and go when you like. All are welcome.

As usual, you can join me live and direct in my irc chat room, #freespace on irc.nightstar.net

Or you can participate in the comments here.

This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1472840.html.


This is it! There's actually just less than 24 hours remaining, so it you'd like a dragon it's now or never.


This entry was originally posted at http://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1472559.html.