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The Muse is real
I've heard people say that writer's block is a myth. I've heard people say that inspiration/the creative muse is a myth too. You just have to put in the work, they say. Stop waiting around for lightning to strike and just write. "Real" writers write every day like it's a job, so pretending there are these mythical things involved is just silly.

I think those people are full of baloney.

Writer's block is real and so is the muse.

The muse is just not strictly necessary to write, and "writer's block" doesn't strictly mean you can't write.

I've done it. Just pushed through the block and forced myself to write anyway. Hammered at the words until they appeared. It can be done.

The thing I've learned, though, is that doing it that way, that writing without the muse, is indeed work. Like a job kind of work. Uses up a ton of spoons, kind of work. It's draining and it takes energy and I have to push out and spend from myself to make it happen.

But the muse is real.

I remember last year, when I finally did NaNo, because lightning struck. The Muse was awake and interested at the same time the event was on, and I wrote my 50k in two weeks of frenzy. It wasn't even work. It was work to not write. The words demanded out and if I didn't get out of bed and type up the next scene bouncing around in my head I wouldn't be able to sleep! So I wrote like a fiend until the muse let me go half way through the event, and then I didn't finish the story, it's still kicking around, growing slowly, because the inspiration isn't there anymore. Odds are I won't be able to haul it out and finish it this year either. I've tried to do NaNo probably five or six times, and succeeded only once, because I can't afford the spoons to do it the other way.

Pretending that something people experience isn't real, just because it isn't part of a certain subset's everyday life is something that seems awfully common. (I could extrapolate that in so many ways!) But the creative muse absolutely is real. It's just that the naysayers are right in that waiting about for lightning to strike won't guarantee anything, it may never happen. (There are things one can do to feed the muse, but that's a whole 'nother post.)

I feel that means it's up to you, really. Treat it like a job, or just wait for it to be easy, there's no wrong answer here.

Me, I'm so fucking exhausted these days, it's definitely up to the muse to turn up. Doing it the other way will have to wait.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1552907.html.

Rough draft of Black Starfire is done.

There has been a little niggle of worry that starting posting before I'd finished the final scene was a bad idea and I'd jinxed it, and it wouldn't get done. I don't normally do that, because I HATE getting "but where is the rest?" comments. I know they're always meant as "I loved this so I want more!" but they read as "Write for me, slave! Feel guilt if you don't!"

But thankfully that won't be a worry this time. It's all done, I just need to do a little editing. Always open for anybody who wants to beta read for me, btw.

I'm off now to put the draft up for my patrons. Got a new one today, which also has me just over the moon. <3 Been so long since I added anybody, it's only been shrinking, so that's really nice.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1552769.html.

Gonna be one of those days.
Makes me want to go link the Weird Al song.

The goober managed to spill two cups of chocolate milk this morning. Both pure accident, the first was just one of those things, the second was a result, I suspect, of being so distressed still about the first that she didn't even notice I hadn't put the lid on the new cup and pulled it off as if it had a lid. Sigh. So I had to mop the floor before I could finish making my morning cup of coffee, and I think I should have re-boiled the water, because even though I was pretty quick, it must have been long enough for it to cool too much (it's supposed to be short of boiling, I was letting it cool while I made her milk, just not too much short of boiling) because my cup isn't as strong as usual. Tempts me to go make a second one...

But it's my day off today! So I get to dump the goober on her grandma and have some "me" time. I'm debating if I want to go to my fav. bar and get a cider, or if I want to just stay in and putter about.

Either way I'm hoping to get a few thousand words of writing out. The Good Omens story I'm working on right now is ticking along nicely.

I've started a new one. I still need to write the final scene of Black Starfire, but that'll come in time, I just need to get into the right mood for about an hour, it's nearly done. (The right mood being "horny" as it's a sex scene, and I really do write better sex when I'm craving it myself. I probably would have written it yesterday, except my husband rather took care of that mood for me first. He's so bad for my smut writing! :D I still won't complain.)

Anyway, the new one is me deciding that now that I've done the "Crowley was Raphael" trope it's time to tackle my next favorite Good Omens-specific trope, Aziraphale Falls. I didn't really feel like doing a painful, wallowing in angst fic, though. So I paradoxically set up a fic that's ten times as fluffy, by adding an extra mean-to-my-characters-thing in. See, what if angels and demons can't even touch? Or at least it hurts when they do? The pair touch in the show, but with only one exception they merely brush fingers while handing something over. What if that's part of what's fueling the fact that they say "friend" rather than "love" because what's the point in trying to be lovers (they might think) if you can't even touch?

But of course, when Aziraphale becomes a fallen angel, which is to say, a demon just like Crowley, they can touch at last. So even though there's a lot of angst and suffering, he comes around to liking it pretty damn fast. :D And then he realizes that he doesn't have to worry about sin anymore, and maybe it's time to cut loose just a little... (I mean, Aziraphale's idea of cutting loose is pretty tame, but I'm right now writing a bit where he basically puts the evil eye on a homophobic git, and it's pretty fun.)

Dunno when that will be done. It's not a single coherent through-line plot like I usually do, it's more a series of little "Oh, and this could happen!" moments, with Aziraphale managing to do all of the Seven Deadly Sins as a loose framework, but that kind of structure means I have no feel for how long it's going to be. It's 15k already, though. So pretty long!

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1552070.html.

I opened the window to post something, then got interrupted by the goober, and now I don't remember what it was.


Nothing interesting has happened today, unless you count actually managing to leave the house to go grocery shopping interesting, although I did post something to Patreon which I should have posted last week. (Oops?)

I am not the world's most organized person, and being be-goobered only makes it worse. Do you know how hard it is to remember things when you get constantly interrupted? Like, it's not even "just write them down so you remember them" I can't even remember to write them down because see this entire post, actually.

Post another chapter of Black Starfire, too. Just a short one. A longer one and two chapters of Spark to Light a Candle tomorrow, though! I have to say, re-reading that as I post it, that even as old as it is, I'm still proud of it. It's not perfect. But it's pretty dang good.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1551821.html.

Dear Good Omens Fanfic Writers,
Please stop writing God into your stories precisely the way you'd write a human character. If you're not writing God as at least slightly unknowable, at least a little beyond human, at least somewhat more in the know and less fallible than your angels, then you're doing it wrong.

I don't say that because I give a shit about blasphemy or because I think you can't write a God-character who's wrong. Pratchett wrote Small Gods entirely about a God-character who is deeply wrong about basically everything and it's one of my favorite stories ever.

I'm saying that the Good Omens Universe God, who doesn't play dice with the universe because She's playing a much more complicated game where She basically cheats is out of character the way you jackasses are writing Her.

She is the architect of the Ineffable Plan and She's meant to be inexplicable and confusing and yet somehow always kind of right about everything, and smug about that. Listen to the narration in the show. Read the book and remember that God is kinda the author(s). Pay fucking attention, and stop writing a weird woobie God who apologizes to Crowley for having made the wrong choice by casting him out of Heaven.

I am reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally tired of that one. Even more tired than of the "Crowley is Raphael and that makes him Gabriel's brother and the instant anybody says 'family' that heals the rift between them and makes Gabriel a-okay as a character and everybody just loves each other now." FUCK NO. If the archangels are Crowley's family, they are an abusive family, and it's actively disgusting to have them redeemed with nothing but "they're family!" as the reason. Ew. Ick. Ugh.

The only reason I don't hate that one more is that it doesn't seem to be super common, though it's commoner than I'd like if you're specifically looking for "Crowley is Raphael" fics. But even avoiding fics whose descriptions say they're about God, I'm still running into the woobie God thing a lot more than I can stand.

P.S. I actually am very down for a "redeem Gabriel" fic, but you have to actually do something about what a massive prick he's been, you can't just wave "family" over him and make everything a-okay.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1551384.html.

You know the thing...
...where you say "Oh, I know nobody will like this" but there's a little secret part of you that goes "but what if everybody does?"

Like, when it comes to weird-ass kinks, well, 50 Shades became a massive phenomenon. So why *not* my demon-binding kinkfic? Why not?

I mean, I know that no, it's not likely.

And yet every now and then something surprises me. Like the trans-adjacent Aziraphale-with-a-vag feels fic was one I was sure would go nowhere, but while it's not my top, it got a *ton* of positive attention.

So why not the demon binding kink fic? It's sweet. It's not super out there, kink-wise, it's mostly close to vanilla, just a little light pain play so far. Why not? I tell myself it won't do well, but the secret heart of me desperately hoped it will.

It didn't.


This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1550638.html.

Hot off the presses, kink and cosmic power.
Though right now just kink, it hasn't gotten to the cosmic power bit. But it does have what I feel is a quite fun completed kinky sex scene, so there's that. :D

Angel's Grace Loosed and Black Starfire Bound (7961 words) by bladespark
Chapters: 2/12
Fandom: Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Dominant Aziraphale (Good Omens), Submissive Crowley (Good Omens), BDSM, Master/Pet, Demon Summoning, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Cosmic powers, Wings, Angel Wings, Grey wings are half way between demon and angel, Praise Kink, Painplay, Spanking, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), At least when Aziraphale tells him he should, BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), BAMF Crowley (Good Omens)

Crowley has had six thousand years to construct fantasies about Aziraphale, so it's perhaps unsurprising that some of those fantasies got a little...wild. Now, with the two finally together, said wild fantasies are in danger of escaping from Crowley's mind and getting blurted out at some inopportune moment, which would be the worst thing ever. After all, there's no way the sweet and innocent Aziraphale would be into anything so depraved and kinky...

Exploring domination together is about to open a giant can of worms, though, for as they grow closer, Crowley gives Aziraphale his true name, and in doing so sets something in motion that will end with him discovering an immense power. And while Heaven isn't watching, Hell might still be, and they aren't about to let somebody like Crowley out of their grasp.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1550420.html.

Sunday Six
Proof that I write ridiculously long and convoluted sentences. Yes, this really is just six.

Aziraphale should have felt fear, he knew, but still all he felt was anger, and the boil began to really roll as he thought about what Beelzebub was trying to do. They were trying to reduce Crowley to a miserable life of servitude, something that was all the more horrific for the way it was a twisted perversion of the sort of beautiful submission that Crowley had willingly gifted him.

As his anger rose, he felt the black power that was always at the back of his mind now rising too, responding to that anger, and a sudden smile crossed his face as realization settled into place in his mind. It was a smile Crowley might have recognized, though few others would have seen it, for it was a smile of nearly sadistic enjoyment.

He snapped his wings into existence, rainbow-sheened and dark, and he felt a black halo gathering behind his head. “So these chains here,” he said brightly, rattling the manacles around his wrists, “these bind
holy power, you said?”

From the kink-fic-turned-cosmic-powers-and-fight-with-Hell-thing. Which is called Angel's Grace Loosed and Black Starfire Bound, and yes I know that's an absurd title. It's an absurd story. :D Nearly done, too, I just have to write the wrap up scene and probably one last sex scene.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1549642.html.

Yep, the muse is still a nutter.
My muse finally got going again, and of course she wants to write weird smut.

So weird smut it is!

Have I mentioned the Good Omens fic that was supposed to be a kink fic but has turned into a thing about cosmic power? Yeah, that one.

It *is* still also a kink fic, and I just finished a hot sex scene, although I need to go back and fix something, as it's got a damn plot hole, I forgot my own flipping head canon. Oh well. Now I'm about to write an action-y bit that has Crowley fighting some other demons. Hopefully I can think up some good things to have happen. I'm not really good at action.

I think I'm in the home stretch, though. I just have to write this action scene, a climactic confrontation scene, and then a winding down and one final sex scene.

It's 25k words right now. Probably around 35k and a dozen chapters when it's done? It'll give me something fresh to post to AO3 once it's ready.

I've been uploading the last of my ponyfics there, and I was planning on finishing by putting up my short story collections and Ember's, the changeling brothel vignette/sex-positivity thing, on some kind of weekly schedule, because that one deserves to have time and space to shine, but I might post this alternating with that stuff.

It'll go up in one read-as-you-like chunk for Patreon patrons as soon as it's done, of course. :3 I'm not making enough there right now to truly justify writing original Patreon content, but I am still going to give folks there first look at everything for as long as I'm getting any money at all.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1548918.html.

I had an interesting conversation with a guy during the after-church coffee social hour. I left the goober at home this week, so I could talk to adults and not just chase her around the room and keep her from tipping over the chalice or whatever.

He asked me how I was liking things, since I was new, and I responded that I very much enjoyed a religion where the focus is on making this world better, and not worrying about heaven or hell.

And he said that since they were universalists, everyone was getting into heaven anyway, so there was nothing much to worry about, really.

It occurred to me that this is probably a large part of why the church is the way it is. The current literature treats the universalist thing as history, not current doctrine, because they don't have doctrine as such, they're a dogma-free religion, which is fascinating in and of itself, but I think that the universalism is a big part of how a Christian sect ends up becoming a bunch of half-agnostic Humanist-leaning activists rather than just another bunch of Christians.

Because if everyone is going to haven regardless, there's no need for the church to focus on sin and salvation. That's already sorted. So what else is there to worry about? Well, this life we've got now, and bettering it. Which means activism, in one form or another. Thinking about it like that, the UU going from being one more bunch of Christians to being "post-Christian" (the pastor called it that today) activists seems almost inevitable.

And it still suits me just fine, though I really need to get better at being out about my trans status/pronouns. It's just really hard to get over a lifetime of burying that stuff, even when I know intellectually that at least 99% of the people there are going to be accepting of it.

Also, I sorta low-key hate people who name girls Aidan. Grrrrr. Introducing myself with an obviously male name should be all it takes to make it clear, but now this stupid trend has robbed me of that entirely. Normally I'm not for gender essentialism, but for fucks's sake, my life would be so much simpler if Aidan was like David or Steve or whatever. And instead it's become this dumb, trendy, neutral name, and just... Sigh.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1548280.html.