July 25th, 2002

flamebusy

Close cousin to Maragret...

This is going to be one of those longish emotional rambles where I spill my guts all over, and then wonder why on earth I posted it anyhow, so be warned. You may just want to skip this entirely. I just feel the need to rant a bit. That and since a lot of the people involved in my current situation read this thing it might clear the air a little. (Either that or get me into a lot of trouble.)

So, as the title of this little ramble suggests, I'm feeling a certain kinship to Margaret of CRFH lately. No, I haven't suddenly developed a fascination with weapons of mass destruction. It's just that somehow everyone who gets close to me ends up getting hurt. Not a "Satan is out for their blood" kid of hurt, but hurt nonetheless. The latest emotional fiasco is pretty much all my fault this time, though I'm not sure how I could have avoided it. Anyhow, there's two things I feel the need to explain, so I will do so forthwith.

Firstly, something that despite the mess is still good news, Wulfsbane and I are getting hitched, IRC style. *grin* This is going to be a lot of fun, Wulfy is some catch, but I need to say that I'm about a medium seriousness level on this.

It's not just a joke, and it's not some kind of bet, or dare, or just fooling around, I really do like Wulfy, BUT I don't equate this with a real life wedding at all. I'm not in love with Wulfy, not like that at least, and I don't intend to be monogamous here. Neither does he. This is something of an affirmation of a good friendship. (He asked me by saying "So, would you like to get married?" and I answered, "Sure!" Not exactly great romance here. He he he.) I know to some people that have been wed on IRC it's been more serious, to some it's been less. This is how it is to me.

So that kind of leads to the other half of this mess, the fact that some other people didn't take the news too well. As I'm sure all of you know, I've collected a snuggle harem. I joke a lot a bout it, but lately I've been called a snuggle-whore, and sometimes I feel like people view me that way.

Yes, I snuggle a lot of people, and yes I'm fairly intimate with several of them. But... how can I explain this? I joke that they're my harem, but that's really not true at all. Everyone I snuggle I care for a lot, each in their own way. I'm not going to name names or count numbers here, but each person is unique, and each one has a reason why I care for them. I can't say I love one more than another. It's an apples and oranges kind of thing. (Hmm... yes, you guys are a bunch of fruits. Sarel would have to be the banana, I've never eaten one since without thinking of him. And Wulfy is something like a kiwi or a kumquat... or maybe a nut. And if we're branching out, Caj would have to be an artichoke... He he he.)

Anyhow, to get to the point of this, I find I have space in my heart for more than one. I'm sorry if not everyone can understand it, but that can't change it. I love each of them, and I can't put one above another. *shrug* I just hope I don't hurt anyone too badly.

Anyhow, that's been said, and I hope I made sense... There's times when I explain something like this and I fell that I'm just not getting the point across. Anybody who wants further explanations, go ahead and ask.
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