Log in

No account? Create an account

My radio preset in the car have two pop stations, one oldies, one classic alternative, and one easy listening station. The remaning preset tends to migrate a bit. It was on a classic rock station for a bit, and for a long time it's been on a hard rock/modern alternative station, but I got sick of all the screaming and noise today and went surfing for something else.

Is it some kind of sign that I ended up on a country station?

It probably won't stay there long, I get sick of country fast, but for some reason I was just in that kind of mood today.

Also, speaking of mood, I haven't writen or drawn anything for a while now, and it was bugging me, trying to figure out why. Every time I sat down to create, I just got all... I don't know, uneasy, upset, edgy feeling, especially when writing. It isn't like writer's block. When I'm not actually writing I have no trouble thinking up ideas. But go to put them down...

Then I realized. The last time I wrote someting was just before that whole fleet hard sci-fi fiasco. Now admittedly that came out with me on top in the end, but... it was still very upsetting at the time. And thinking it over I realized that I have /never/ had anything like that happen. Oh, I've had people not like my stories, and critize my worlds and my skill, but that was always after the creation, after the work was done.

I'd only just begun making the Federation. I was still in the "flying high, on a creative roll" stage when I got the foundation knocked out from under me. I've never, ever had something that was still in that stage, that time when my creation is forming and everything is beautiful, even the parts that don't work yet, for the making them work will be a joy, be criticized. Before now I've never shared anything in that stage with any but a few close friends. So... it was most unsettling. It's all been resolved, but I think that the experience itself has put me off of writing. Of course intellectually I know that this isn't going to happen again. But my emotions don't belive me. They're cringing in expectation of another blow every time I try to get back into that wonderfully creative state. *sigh* I'm going to just have to force myself to write anyhow, and the stories are going to be some of my worst until the uneasyness goes away. Ugh.