Log in

No account? Create an account

Nothing has actually changed.
I bought a paid account today. I've been using DW since the lolita purge/fandom counts disaster over on livejournal that I think was why DW was even made in the first place? It seemed like maybe it was finally time to chip in a bit. I almost never use icons besides my default, so I don't need extra icons, and I'm not sure what other features it even has. But there you go.

Oh the topics of things that are meaningful and yet change nothing, I've been feeling in a weird identity limbo lately. I made this big announcement about going by "Aidan" now, but it's pretty much changed nothing. I don't pass any more in "real life" and my interactions online are just as they've always been, it's just that in one particular chat room I get "he" more often than "she" now. That's it. That's the big change.

It's very anti-climactic.

But I don't know what else I'd even do. Like I went to the goober's "class" today, and I'm sure I'd probably get a positive reaction if I pulled the teacher aside and explained the name change, but nothing would *change*. I'm not treated differently than the dad who comes with his son, you know?

The places where it would make a big difference are... Sigh. So much harder, so much more complicated.

The deep things are never easy. Sometimes the shallow things are hard too (I went into "the men's room" for the first time the other day, but it was only because the fucking place thought that family-style bathrooms, the kind with a toilet and sink in a locking room, needed to be gendered. Fuckers.) but the really hard things are always the deep things.

P.S. There is a small, small chance that insurance *might* cover a hysterectomy for me. Maybe. I am almost terrified at the idea, but also a little bit excited? I don't know. It's easy to laugh and go "I am so done with this uterus" but it's a fairly major surgery. It's not a small thing either.

This entry was originally posted at https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/1525179.html.