August 17th, 2019


Dear Good Omens Fanfic Writers,

Please stop writing God into your stories precisely the way you'd write a human character. If you're not writing God as at least slightly unknowable, at least a little beyond human, at least somewhat more in the know and less fallible than your angels, then you're doing it wrong.

I don't say that because I give a shit about blasphemy or because I think you can't write a God-character who's wrong. Pratchett wrote Small Gods entirely about a God-character who is deeply wrong about basically everything and it's one of my favorite stories ever.

I'm saying that the Good Omens Universe God, who doesn't play dice with the universe because She's playing a much more complicated game where She basically cheats is out of character the way you jackasses are writing Her.

She is the architect of the Ineffable Plan and She's meant to be inexplicable and confusing and yet somehow always kind of right about everything, and smug about that. Listen to the narration in the show. Read the book and remember that God is kinda the author(s). Pay fucking attention, and stop writing a weird woobie God who apologizes to Crowley for having made the wrong choice by casting him out of Heaven.

I am reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally tired of that one. Even more tired than of the "Crowley is Raphael and that makes him Gabriel's brother and the instant anybody says 'family' that heals the rift between them and makes Gabriel a-okay as a character and everybody just loves each other now." FUCK NO. If the archangels are Crowley's family, they are an abusive family, and it's actively disgusting to have them redeemed with nothing but "they're family!" as the reason. Ew. Ick. Ugh.

The only reason I don't hate that one more is that it doesn't seem to be super common, though it's commoner than I'd like if you're specifically looking for "Crowley is Raphael" fics. But even avoiding fics whose descriptions say they're about God, I'm still running into the woobie God thing a lot more than I can stand.

P.S. I actually am very down for a "redeem Gabriel" fic, but you have to actually do something about what a massive prick he's been, you can't just wave "family" over him and make everything a-okay.

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