September 6th, 2019



Apparently I need to read more mpreg? Is this a thing? Or is this author just unexpectedly awesome in navigating roles and genders?

See, I am reading an Aziraphale mpreg fic (in which he has a vagina, huzzah. I think butt babies are both dumb and a little bit transphobic. Men can have vaginas, okay? That's a thing, it's okay.) and in this fic Crowley calls Aziraphale the baby's "mother" but still uses male pronouns for him, and just...I think I've died of relatable feels here.

I've had looks of incomprehension, I've had fights, I've had the "sigh, I won't even bother to explain" over this, and nobody ever, ever, ever seems to just get it. I'm a man, I'm male, I'm a guy, and I'm also my Goober's mother, not her father. That's just how it is. I carried her, I nursed her, I'm raising her, I have a maternal role.

I'm not saying that a man carrying a child has to feel maternal or be a mother. Everyone should get to define their own identity and roles.

But for fuck's sake, I get to define my identity and roles, and I am a mother, not a father, okay? That's what fits, that's how I feel, that's what I am. She has a father, it's not me.

It feels so exhausting, trying to explain this to people! At least most people out there at least have the concept of "transgender" to start from when I try to explain myself, but absolutely nobody seems to understand that it's still not binary, that being a man doesn't shove me into the stereotypically male gender box anymore than it does any given cis man. And (here's where I had a fight with somebody) feeling maternal doesn't mean I'm being "forced" into societal gender roles against my will. I tried feeling paternal about the kid, the closest I could come was "seahorse dad", and that's a male maternal role, really. I felt much more at home and at peace and less dysphoric about it all when I embraced "I'm a guy, I'm a mom" as my thing. That's me, that's what I want, nobody has forced it on me. I'm not required to reject societal norms and roles any more than I'm required to accept them!

But god, after all the struggles I've had getting this through anybody's head, to just have the exact same thing right there in a story that I didn't write is amazing!

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